I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
