i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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