Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
