I'm so fucking centered right now
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
