Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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