this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize