just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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