I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
