he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
