wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
