hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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