Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
