I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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