I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize