I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
