forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
