I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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