Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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