You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i dont even know how to be here
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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