the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A+ Viking dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
