its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize