I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
