dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
