I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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