at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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