Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize