So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
