Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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