I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
