that's an acceptable place to lick
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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