everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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