if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
