He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
