you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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