Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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