areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
