All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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