just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
