Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
