I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
