you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
