I skipped work to stalk him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
