I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
