Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
