Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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