I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
