I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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