shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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