Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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