I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
