the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
