you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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