i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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