Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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