I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
