Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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