It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
