What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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