i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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