Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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