I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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