just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
