whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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