I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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