You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
