im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize