It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
