I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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