do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
