someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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