So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
thus making me awesome and them whores
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
