She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
