considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
