I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
