I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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