Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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