Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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