Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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