in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
