i dont even know how to be here
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
