Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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