some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
