Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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