you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just high enough for therapy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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