Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
