I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
