he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
