I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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