the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
