god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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