She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
