i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize